Skip to main content

Writer's Block

 

I have no idea what to write. It's been this way for weeks, I fear it'll turn into months. So, I'm just going to write and keep writing whatever comes into my head. No pausing, no breaks for ten minutes straight. Starting my timer now, and... go.

Writer's Block sucks. You want to write, but you just can't. You can't. No matter what you try, no matter what you do. Nothing seems to break this mental barrier, there's no way to smash through it. But that's just the thing: you can't force your way through this barrier. That's not how it works. So, you try and get out for a walk, spend some time with family, try to get the creative juices flowing and, guess what? It still doesn't work.

You have no idea how frustrating it is. Unless you've experienced it, then you do. So that's a stupid sentence, scrap that. But it's frustrating, okay? It's mind-numbing. You just want to write but nothing comes out. This has lasted months, I realise I've just said that I'm scared it will turn into months but in a way, it already has. I haven't written any of my novel for months. Okay, my dog just almost threw up on me, I'm moving away from him.

Okay, I'm away from the puke zone. I'm safe. My brain is running out of things to say, so I'm just going to keep typing. La la la la la. I'm sure other writers use freewriting a lot... better... than I do. I just write random thoughts. Anything that comes to mind. Whereas I'm sure others write actual stories that turn out beautifully. I can't even write right. Write right. That sounds weird, doesn't it?

I wonder how much time has gone, I'm quite getting into this now. But, yes, I doubt my abilities as a writer which I know every writer does. I think it's a part of being a writer. It's not a nice part, sure, but we have to deal with it in any way we can.

This is working, though. I can feel my mind expanding again. I'm going to cook pasta for dinner. Sorry, I'm running out of things to say again. Pasta. It's basic but great. I love pasta, I could never cut pasta out. Ever. Pasta will always be an important part of my life. Wow, what am I going on about. This is riveting content: pasta. Pasta. Pasta. Pasta.

The first time I came across freewriting was in university. On my Creative and Professional Writing course. I miss that course, I took it for granted. I wrote every day, it was fun. That was work: writing. What a life must that be? To just write for a living. That's what I want to do, that's my true goal in life. To just write. But how am I supposed to write when my brain won't work?

My hands are starting to hurt now, ouch. Who said writing isn't hard work? Do you know how much hand cramp hurts? Don't say we don't suffer for our art. I sound like I'm joking, but honestly, we do. It's not easy work. Not by a long shot. But, God, I miss it. I miss it. I don't do it enough anymore. I don't. I wish I did. Okay, that's way too many sentences starting with I's... Grammarly is moaning at me. Why did I download-

Time's up.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS 2019

With only a few days left of 2018, I've been looking back on the year and thinking about what I want to improve on and achieve moving forward. At the beginning of 2018, I had little to no motivation and was on a downward spiral. Things haven't improved much, however my motivation is slowly coming back as the desperation for things to change gets stronger. Because of this, I've given my resolutions a lot more thought than I have done in previous years. Last year I said that I wanted 2018 to be the year that I "get shit done". It was the complete opposite of that. So now, 2019 needs to be that year. My 2019 resolutions: 1. TAKE RECOVERY MORE SERIOUSLY 2018 was the year that I properly started recovery after my mental health plummeted towards the end of 2017. I started seeing a care coordinator fortnightly and went back on my medication. However, I haven't taken it as seriously as I should have. This year I want my mental health to be my ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Battle Between University and Mental Health

As my second year on my university course finally nears a close, I look back and realise that I've learnt more about my own mental health than I have in the subject I'm actually doing a degree in. Not exactly what I'm paying over nine grand a year for... I'm tired, my sleeping pattern has been turned upside down and the sense of dread looms as it finally hits me: this year counts. This isn't first year anymore, and there's no second try at this year, Student Finance will only support you for one more year. If you fail this: you're doomed. The fear of getting anything lower than a 2:1 consumes me. It seems to be embedded in every student's mind that if you don't get a 2:1 or a First, then you've failed. Now, this fear has taken up any enjoyment I was having from this course. I'm no longer writing because I enjoy it, I'm just writing to get a grade. But how can you enjoy something when your brain wants to die? How can you even be good...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Letter From My Body To Myself (TW: Eating Disorder)

In contemplation group you were told to write a letter from yourself to your body (and vice versa.) And my God, you were really horrible to yourself. You called yourself fat, ugly and worthless. Repeatedly, you told yourself to stop eating and that you would have to die if you didn't lose weight. So today, I, your body, am going to write a letter back to you. I'll start of by saying that I understand you were in a really bad place when you said all those things to me. And I would forgive you but you tell me these things daily, even when you're faking one of your "positive" episodes. It has to stop. You wouldn't say these things to anyone else: you wouldn't say them to your mother, your sister, your brother, your friends, or even some random person on the internet. So why are you saying them to your body? It's bullying. Be kind, stop verbally abusing me. When you follow through with these threats of starvation, I feel exhausted. You're a very bu...
Post a Comment
Read more