(Char) Emily Writes

Recently, I bought myself a brand new desk, and I've got to say... I think I'm in love. I'm in the process of slowly moving in with my partner, which means lot's of IKEA trips and furniture building. Things I find really exciting (no sarcasm here - I love shopping for furniture and making a home. Is this what being a proper adult is like?) The first thing on my list was my very own sanctuary. Desk in the daytime. Desk in the evening/night-time. The desk is beautiful. I love how it's white and modern, which for some reason makes my head feel clearer. Probably because it's so crisp and clean, it brightens up the room. My partner already has black-brown furniture in the flat, so I'm trying to adopt a black and white theme. Watch this space... Right: set of drawers Very spacious inside. Top-left drawer: journals. Top-right drawer: everyday notebooks/diaries. I decided to get the drawe...

Second year of university has drawn to a close which means I'm now on my summer break. For the first time since I was about 14 (I'm nearing 22 now), I've decided to not work over the summer and focus on my seemingly forever deteriorating mental health. And since I won't be working, I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands. Setting some practical and plausible goals for the summer, similar to new years resolutions, can really help get your mind back on track. Although, I'm prone to not sticking to them, this year I have set some hard but reachable goals to help me use my time-off productively. 1. Focus on Recovery Now I consider myself going through the "proper" process of actual recovery, this is where I need to direct my focus, which will hopefully be easier without the stresses of deadlines. Obviously I'm not expecting to magically recover by September, but I would like to be on the right path, and be equipped with the needed tools to d...

"I really appreciate your attendance with all us anorexic skinnies!" This is a comment that was left for me on the last day of contemplation group. We were all writing what were supposed to be heart-warming messages to each other. And this is what one person decided to write to me... in an eating disorder recovery group . It's frustrating when non-sufferers don't seem to understand that an eating disorder is not a weight. But it's a whole lot worse when someone with an eating disorder can't seem to understand that either. Worse yet, actually point someone's weight out. People who suffer from an eating disorder can be underweight, a healthy weight or overweight. They can have a BMI of 11 or a BMI of 30. My group therapist told me that they didn't judge someone's illness on how they look. If you have an unhealthy relationship with food and experience disordered eating, then you have an eating disorder. And you deserve help. Going into a group t...

As my second year on my university course finally nears a close, I look back and realise that I've learnt more about my own mental health than I have in the subject I'm actually doing a degree in. Not exactly what I'm paying over nine grand a year for... I'm tired, my sleeping pattern has been turned upside down and the sense of dread looms as it finally hits me: this year counts. This isn't first year anymore, and there's no second try at this year, Student Finance will only support you for one more year. If you fail this: you're doomed. The fear of getting anything lower than a 2:1 consumes me. It seems to be embedded in every student's mind that if you don't get a 2:1 or a First, then you've failed. Now, this fear has taken up any enjoyment I was having from this course. I'm no longer writing because I enjoy it, I'm just writing to get a grade. But how can you enjoy something when your brain wants to die? How can you even be good...